Seeing how long it's been since we saw the films, it's likely that I won't finish listening to the commentary tracks on Alien Apocalypse and Man With The Screaming Brain. Heckler reviewed AA back in August, giving it 9 Bela Lugosis on his bad sci-fi scale (very bad).
The two films have things in common, other than the fact they were sold to me as a double bill for £6. Both star Bruce Campbell, and he directed and co-wrote TMWTSB. Both were financed by the Sci-Fi channel, but despite this are genuine sci-fi, if bad examples of that genre. Both were shot in Bulgaria, to save money. Both were stories that had been floating around for 15 years or so before being made in 2005.
I've briefly commented on AA via the whiteboard. To recap: after 40 years in space, Bruce Campbell and his fellow astronaut crew members return to Earth to discover it has been taken over by insectoid aliens who find wood a delicacy and so have set up a slave logging camp[1]. Other things they like to eat include heads and fingers. Unsurprisingly there is a very high mortality rate amongst the slaves, so the astronauts are captured and enslaved. Campbell's character escapes meets up with a woman in a chamois leather bikini and they go looking for the legendary leader of the Resistance "The President". They find him, but he's an old, tired man hiding in he woods so Campbell has to start the rebellion himself. In the nick of time the president and the surviving members of the US government turn up and show off their archery skills (which we always appreciate at H&K) and overthrow the alien oppressors.
From the half hour or so of commentary I heard, the references to Planet of the Apes were deliberate homages[2], the costumes in paticular and there were homages to other films as well that I forget. I admire their choice to make a new film using some of the themes and ideas of POTA rather than simply making a crap remake.
I thought I had a conclusion, but apparently not, so I'll simply warn that this film, and the following clip, contains a fair bit of headbiting and is rated as "Gruesome" by the V__ Movie Preview Board.
(This Scene lead inevitably to the comment "If the aliens can't get wood, they get head")
Man With The Screaming Brain is Bruce Campbell's directorial debut, and it shows. To a certain extent he plays to his strengths, playing a stereotypical American-abroad who judges everything by the standards of America; this despite the fact he's gone to Bulgaria to buy things up cheap from the sale of ex-state infrastructure leftover from the communist era. He's the CEO of a drugs company and a couple of stereotypically crazy scientists have invented a drug that prevents brain-transplants from being rejected and try to get him to buy it. Meanwhile his wife is bored and has sex with the stereotypically rude guide/taxi driver/ex-secret policeman. Then she walks in on Campbell snogging the maid, a stereotypically vengeful gypsy. For reasons I forget, Campbell is beaten over the head with a pipe by the gypsy, who then kills the taxi-driver who is her ex-.
Did I mention that many of the characters are stereotypes?
The scientists acquire the bodies and replace damaged brain tissue in Campbell's brain with tissue from the taxi driver. As might be expected this leads to two personalities in one body, and include Bruce Campbell recreating the scene from Evil Dead where he fights his own hand. Meanwhile his wife, thinking he's dead, confronts the gypsy who kills her. Not having a body, the scientists put her brain into a robot body. After this the film gets too silly to explain.
I'd say MWTSB is the superior of the two films as it never takes itself seriously, but just follows it's plot to the next joke, stunt or set piece. Unfortunately this gave us less opportunity to mock it as the film kept getting there first. Damn you Bruce Campbell! As for inspiration, I see some of Steve Martin's The Man With Two Brains in both the title and the film. This film is classified as "Gruesome" due to the scenes of brain surgery (visible in the trailer):
[1] logging slave camp?
[2] On the other hand, in the 300 commentary track, Zack Snyder keeps referring to stealing ideas, shots etc. from other films and keeps being corrected "You mean it's an homage".
Sunday, 30 November 2008
Saturday, 29 November 2008
What's Wrong With Heckler And Kochk?
When I ask what's wrong with Heckler and Kochk, I of course mean why hasn't it been updated for ages, not what's wrong with it; that's fairly obvious. Well partly we've not been having movie night very often for a variety of reasons. Partly Heckler is a very busy man. Partly I've been ignoring a bunch of half-written reviews in drafts.
But fortunately we have a more important question to distract you from our laziness. That question is:
What's Wrong With Death Proof?
We had been warned that Robert Rodriguez's Planet Terror is the superior of the two films in the Grindhouse double bill. Nevertheless we were surprised at just how far from the exploitation film mark Tarantino got with this film.
Here's what Wikipedia says about Exploitation films:
The problem, such as it is, is that we go in expecting a film about a killer car or a killer driver or maybe a car duel or something, with scenes of automobile-related mayhem linked by Tarantino's signature conversations about nothing much (See Trailer, also at the bottom). Instead we get a tiny bit of mysterious and creepy following of several attractive women who then spend 40 minutes talking about nothing much. Oh, and Kurt Russell explains the title of the film. [Next paragraph has spoilers]
Then there is a short period of automobile-related mayhem. (At this point the film is rated "Gruesome" by the V__ film preview board). It's violent, kinetic, and bloody. This pitch is unsustainable, so Tarantino doesn't try to sustain it, and we meet up with another group of women who spend a lot of time talking abut nothing much (although the nothing much is slightly more plot relevant and the revelation of character through talking about nothing is more to the point as they don't all die). Then (finally) there's a long car chase ending in violent and bloody death.
What we seem to be exploiting is Tarantino's reputation rather than silly and violent car stunts. This good for neither the car stunts nor the reputation.
Tarantino is famed for the excess in his movies; what is less obvious is his restraint (for example: what is the scene we don't see in Reservoir Dogs?). Here he is too restrained in the first part of the film when it comes to action, and shows no restraint for characters talking about his obsessions. All in all a failure with some points of interest.
My favourite line: Lee having been left alone with Jasper a surety for the car her friends are taking for a test drive says (says, not performs): "Gulp." (Here - shot from 7:23 to 7:48)
But fortunately we have a more important question to distract you from our laziness. That question is:
What's Wrong With Death Proof?
We had been warned that Robert Rodriguez's Planet Terror is the superior of the two films in the Grindhouse double bill. Nevertheless we were surprised at just how far from the exploitation film mark Tarantino got with this film.
Here's what Wikipedia says about Exploitation films:
Exploitation film is a type of film that is promoted by "exploiting" (often) lurid subject matter. (The term "exploitation" is a common film marketing term, used for all types of films, meaning promotion or advertising. Thus, films need something to "exploit", such as a big star, special effects, sex, violence, romance, etc.)
The problem, such as it is, is that we go in expecting a film about a killer car or a killer driver or maybe a car duel or something, with scenes of automobile-related mayhem linked by Tarantino's signature conversations about nothing much (See Trailer, also at the bottom). Instead we get a tiny bit of mysterious and creepy following of several attractive women who then spend 40 minutes talking about nothing much. Oh, and Kurt Russell explains the title of the film. [Next paragraph has spoilers]
Then there is a short period of automobile-related mayhem. (At this point the film is rated "Gruesome" by the V__ film preview board). It's violent, kinetic, and bloody. This pitch is unsustainable, so Tarantino doesn't try to sustain it, and we meet up with another group of women who spend a lot of time talking abut nothing much (although the nothing much is slightly more plot relevant and the revelation of character through talking about nothing is more to the point as they don't all die). Then (finally) there's a long car chase ending in violent and bloody death.
What we seem to be exploiting is Tarantino's reputation rather than silly and violent car stunts. This good for neither the car stunts nor the reputation.
Tarantino is famed for the excess in his movies; what is less obvious is his restraint (for example: what is the scene we don't see in Reservoir Dogs?). Here he is too restrained in the first part of the film when it comes to action, and shows no restraint for characters talking about his obsessions. All in all a failure with some points of interest.
My favourite line: Lee having been left alone with Jasper a surety for the car her friends are taking for a test drive says (says, not performs): "Gulp." (Here - shot from 7:23 to 7:48)
Thursday, 30 October 2008
The Sontum of Qualace
You know, when I googled Sontum of Qualace last week, I could have sworn nothing came up. But now I get a link to this video of the theme tune:
This suggests it's not the new Qualice and Gromit film, as suggested by Heckler.
As might be expected Heckler and Kochk were not invited to the royal premiere last night. Which leaves us short on excuses on why this blog hasn't been updated recently.
This suggests it's not the new Qualice and Gromit film, as suggested by Heckler.
As might be expected Heckler and Kochk were not invited to the royal premiere last night. Which leaves us short on excuses on why this blog hasn't been updated recently.
Monday, 15 September 2008
Her Name is Modesty
We haven't had movie night for two weeks due to Heckler's domestic arrangements, and we aren't having it this week, and probably not next week as he's off to Oktoberfest in Munich. Clearly, it's time for me to catch up with all the things I intended to write up and never did.
A week or so ago, I finally sat down and watched all the way through the TV Movie Modesty Blaise adaption My Name is Modesty. If you don't know who Modesty Blaise is, there are two not quite consistent versions - one in a series of novels and one in a comic strip. You can choose which version you want, or both, or neither. Both series began and are set in the sixties. Modesty is a retired criminal mastermind who uses her skills and contacts to defeat actually evil criminals and Bond-style villains.
My Name is Modesty is a Modesty Blaise origin story. It's set before, or as it turns out, as she begins her career as a crime boss of her organisation The Network. She is working as hostess in the casino of the leader of a gang, when her boss is killed and a group of thugs rob the place. Modesty has to keep the leader talking to keep the other casino workers alive, until the combination of the safe arrives; intrigued by her lack of fear he asks for the story of her life.
One problem with the film is that Modesty's origin was always kept in the background of the books. This meant that whenever Modesty needed a new skill or contact, it was revealed that during her time with The Network she'd done a job/deal that involved whatever was necessary. Putting her life story (up to the age of 19?) up on the screen just feels wrong. Another problem is that her partner-in-crime Willy Garvin doesn't appear as he only joins her when she's running The Network. The relationship between Willy and Modesty is one of the things that holds the books together. Lastly, the actress playing Modesty is just too thin; she need to stand up to men not just mentally, but physically as well.
As for what works, well, it feels very much like an episode of a 60s action/adventure where Napoleon Solo, or one of Roger Moore's characters has to keep a villain talking ll night. Interestingly, Modesty doesn't show off her skills at the start of the film. usually in an action film, we see our hero in action near the start (with the promise that they will be even more spectacular in the climax). Although it's revealed that modesty has been taught martial arts, we don't see that until the end. And it's that end scene - with Modesty ripping slits in her long tight skirt for some high kicking action - where she's most the Modesty Blaise I'm looking for.
Is Modesty Blaise Sci-Fi? The author, Peter O'Donnell says no, despite a variety of psychic powers cropping up in the stories (I, Lucifer being the most obvious example). Modesty is very popular in SF circles - I spotted a reference in S M Stirling's Dies The Fire recently.
A week or so ago, I finally sat down and watched all the way through the TV Movie Modesty Blaise adaption My Name is Modesty. If you don't know who Modesty Blaise is, there are two not quite consistent versions - one in a series of novels and one in a comic strip. You can choose which version you want, or both, or neither. Both series began and are set in the sixties. Modesty is a retired criminal mastermind who uses her skills and contacts to defeat actually evil criminals and Bond-style villains.
My Name is Modesty is a Modesty Blaise origin story. It's set before, or as it turns out, as she begins her career as a crime boss of her organisation The Network. She is working as hostess in the casino of the leader of a gang, when her boss is killed and a group of thugs rob the place. Modesty has to keep the leader talking to keep the other casino workers alive, until the combination of the safe arrives; intrigued by her lack of fear he asks for the story of her life.
One problem with the film is that Modesty's origin was always kept in the background of the books. This meant that whenever Modesty needed a new skill or contact, it was revealed that during her time with The Network she'd done a job/deal that involved whatever was necessary. Putting her life story (up to the age of 19?) up on the screen just feels wrong. Another problem is that her partner-in-crime Willy Garvin doesn't appear as he only joins her when she's running The Network. The relationship between Willy and Modesty is one of the things that holds the books together. Lastly, the actress playing Modesty is just too thin; she need to stand up to men not just mentally, but physically as well.
As for what works, well, it feels very much like an episode of a 60s action/adventure where Napoleon Solo, or one of Roger Moore's characters has to keep a villain talking ll night. Interestingly, Modesty doesn't show off her skills at the start of the film. usually in an action film, we see our hero in action near the start (with the promise that they will be even more spectacular in the climax). Although it's revealed that modesty has been taught martial arts, we don't see that until the end. And it's that end scene - with Modesty ripping slits in her long tight skirt for some high kicking action - where she's most the Modesty Blaise I'm looking for.
Is Modesty Blaise Sci-Fi? The author, Peter O'Donnell says no, despite a variety of psychic powers cropping up in the stories (I, Lucifer being the most obvious example). Modesty is very popular in SF circles - I spotted a reference in S M Stirling's Dies The Fire recently.
Tuesday, 9 September 2008
Airwolf
There was no movie night last week. However I've not blogged about movie night the week before, or Xbox games night the week before that. Why? Because I'm a useless lump. Heckler and Kochk - not reviewing anything as we're too busy and uninspired.
The good news is that we did watch something on Xbox games night to warm us up - the feature length pilot episode of Airwolf - the choice of V___. Here I will attempt to capture our experience using questions and answers and maybe stuff off the whiteboard.
Q. Is Airwolf Science Fiction?
A. It's a helicopter than can fly faster than the speed of sound. It carries weaponry useful for anything from blowing down a door, stopping a car right up to sinking a Knox-class destroyer. All this on the chassis of a Bell 222 helicopter. It doesn't get any more sci-fi than that?
Q. Isn't that just bad technical details in an action/thriller series?
A. What about the way the weapons disappear into the space the wheels take up? And the fact that it has far too much equipment and weaponry to take off, let alone do all the stunts? There must be some kind of folded space storage compartment on board. Plus it has a buttock activated cockpit[1].
Q. Hmm. Very well. What is the background of Airwolf?
A. I'm glad you asked. As the pilot episode explains, Airwolf has been built by "The FIRM"[2] in order todo all kinds of illegal stuff fight the Russians (as the Cold War is still on). However it's designer, Doctor Charles Henry Moffat steals it, blows up the research centre and wipes all the files on it and takes it to Libya where he does all kinds of evil stuff with it. Archangel, the FIRM's deputy director convinces Stringfellow Hawke, the test pilot, to steal it back in return for trying to find his brother, Saint John Hawke, who is MIA in Vietnam[3]. String and his helicopter business partner Dominic Santini[4] steal it back after some unconvincing covert operations and several exciting helicopter stunt scenes. Then they hide Airwolf and booby trap it, so the FIRM have to keep looking for Saint John. Archangel convinces String to fly missions for the FIRM and the first season is all set up.
Q. Is Stringfellow Hawke his real name?
A. Not only that, but he lives in a log cabin by a lake with his cello and a hounddog. From the board:
Catch me a trout - I'll be back for breakfast.
Who would train a dog to look up women's skirts?
Q. For some reason this question appears in my notes: Does Stringfellow Hawke wear underwear?
A. In the pilot, String clearly states that he does not wear underwear. Also from the whiteboard:
Strip out of your fightsuit please, we only have 16 minutes.
Q. Does Stringfellow Hawke have any tics or characteristics?
A. At moments when he wishes to impress people with his seriousness, he takes off his shades.
Q. Can Airwolf really sink a Knox-class destroyer?
A. It seems unlikely. However I note that, although originally classified as destroyer escorts by the time of Airwolf they had been reclassified as frigates; as small a US warship you're likely to find in the Mediterranean. In addition, they're mainly Anti-Submarine ships which suggests Dr Moffat has chosen the softest target the US Navy had. On the other hand, most Anti-ship missiles seem to be in the 4-5m long range - about a third the length of Airwolf (not half as Heckler's diagram on the whiteboard suggests).
Q. What is the best part of the show?
A. The theme tune. It's not that the helicopter stunts aren't good, but they only have one mid-air explosion, and far too many shots of Airwolf are recycled or sped-up. The ground-based acting is neither better nor worse than one might expect for a 80s action/thriller.
Q. Was there anything else on the whiteboard that you want to point out?
A. Why not?
"The odds you brother is alive are 10,000 to 1"
"[That Maneuver] doesn't have a name - you don't normally See that unless you've lost the tail rotor!"
Your cream cheese senator - it's pink! Only in California.[5]
"Use Extreme Prejudice"
Wings of Awahu!
"In the Desert a body like that would wither and die in a few hours." "After a few hours with such a body what would it matter?"
Q. In the real world, how would the US have responded to such delibrate provocation by Libya?
A. In the real world, in 1986, after disputes over Libyan territorial claims to the Gulf of Sidra, and Libyan supported terrorist attacks, a bombing raid, Operation El Dorado Canyon was launched. This caused somewhat more damage than Airwolf (no, really).
Q. Are there any youtube videos that could illustrate this post?
A. Yes there are. Sadly I don't have time to dig through them, so here's a link to the youtube Airwolf search page. I have a feeling Heckler had found a couple of amusing ones, so I'll ask him.
Q. thank you, you have been most informative.
A. Yes I have. And thank you for asking such enlightening questions.
[1] According to the whiteboard anyway. The first time Ernest Borgnine gets in, the cockpit lights up when he sits down. When he gets up it goes dark. What are we supposed to think?
[2] A thinly disguised CIA.
[3] Actually, they steal all his artwork, but let's not get too bogged down.
[4] From the whiteboard: And Ernest Borgnine as Dominic
[5] No, I'm not sure what this is about either.
The good news is that we did watch something on Xbox games night to warm us up - the feature length pilot episode of Airwolf - the choice of V___. Here I will attempt to capture our experience using questions and answers and maybe stuff off the whiteboard.
Q. Is Airwolf Science Fiction?
A. It's a helicopter than can fly faster than the speed of sound. It carries weaponry useful for anything from blowing down a door, stopping a car right up to sinking a Knox-class destroyer. All this on the chassis of a Bell 222 helicopter. It doesn't get any more sci-fi than that?
Q. Isn't that just bad technical details in an action/thriller series?
A. What about the way the weapons disappear into the space the wheels take up? And the fact that it has far too much equipment and weaponry to take off, let alone do all the stunts? There must be some kind of folded space storage compartment on board. Plus it has a buttock activated cockpit[1].
Q. Hmm. Very well. What is the background of Airwolf?
A. I'm glad you asked. As the pilot episode explains, Airwolf has been built by "The FIRM"[2] in order to
Q. Is Stringfellow Hawke his real name?
A. Not only that, but he lives in a log cabin by a lake with his cello and a hounddog. From the board:
Catch me a trout - I'll be back for breakfast.
Who would train a dog to look up women's skirts?
Q. For some reason this question appears in my notes: Does Stringfellow Hawke wear underwear?
A. In the pilot, String clearly states that he does not wear underwear. Also from the whiteboard:
Strip out of your fightsuit please, we only have 16 minutes.
Q. Does Stringfellow Hawke have any tics or characteristics?
A. At moments when he wishes to impress people with his seriousness, he takes off his shades.
Q. Can Airwolf really sink a Knox-class destroyer?
A. It seems unlikely. However I note that, although originally classified as destroyer escorts by the time of Airwolf they had been reclassified as frigates; as small a US warship you're likely to find in the Mediterranean. In addition, they're mainly Anti-Submarine ships which suggests Dr Moffat has chosen the softest target the US Navy had. On the other hand, most Anti-ship missiles seem to be in the 4-5m long range - about a third the length of Airwolf (not half as Heckler's diagram on the whiteboard suggests).
Q. What is the best part of the show?
A. The theme tune. It's not that the helicopter stunts aren't good, but they only have one mid-air explosion, and far too many shots of Airwolf are recycled or sped-up. The ground-based acting is neither better nor worse than one might expect for a 80s action/thriller.
Q. Was there anything else on the whiteboard that you want to point out?
A. Why not?
"The odds you brother is alive are 10,000 to 1"
"[That Maneuver] doesn't have a name - you don't normally See that unless you've lost the tail rotor!"
Your cream cheese senator - it's pink! Only in California.[5]
"Use Extreme Prejudice"
Wings of Awahu!
"In the Desert a body like that would wither and die in a few hours." "After a few hours with such a body what would it matter?"
Q. In the real world, how would the US have responded to such delibrate provocation by Libya?
A. In the real world, in 1986, after disputes over Libyan territorial claims to the Gulf of Sidra, and Libyan supported terrorist attacks, a bombing raid, Operation El Dorado Canyon was launched. This caused somewhat more damage than Airwolf (no, really).
Q. Are there any youtube videos that could illustrate this post?
A. Yes there are. Sadly I don't have time to dig through them, so here's a link to the youtube Airwolf search page. I have a feeling Heckler had found a couple of amusing ones, so I'll ask him.
Q. thank you, you have been most informative.
A. Yes I have. And thank you for asking such enlightening questions.
[1] According to the whiteboard anyway. The first time Ernest Borgnine gets in, the cockpit lights up when he sits down. When he gets up it goes dark. What are we supposed to think?
[2] A thinly disguised CIA.
[3] Actually, they steal all his artwork, but let's not get too bogged down.
[4] From the whiteboard: And Ernest Borgnine as Dominic
[5] No, I'm not sure what this is about either.
Thursday, 28 August 2008
The Day Planet Terror Stood Still
So for movie night on 14 August we had a classic tale of alien contact, The Day The Earth Stood Still, and a modern take on horror/action/zombie badness in Planet Terror.
I don't know that I can add anything to the immense amount of analysis that has been levelled at Day over the last 50 years, so I'll just say that you should see it. You should especially see it if:
1. You're thinking of watching Mars Attacks, Close Encounters of the Third Kind or Independence Day (to pick three heavily influenced films);
2. You're in a world that, 18 years after the end of the Cold War, still has enough nuclear weapons to kill everyone twice over and you don't know what to do about it[1];
3. You're thinking of seeing the Re-make;
4. It's the 10th of December (2 days before the release of the re-make which The Crotchety Old Fan has declared THE DAY THE EARTH STOOD STILL TO WATCH THE ORIGINAL MOVIE DAY (TDTESSTWTOMD for short))
Planet Terror is as pure a piece of bad zombie action as you could hope to see. It's all about putting zombies, go-go dancers, rogue military officers and a woman with a machine gun for a leg onto our screen and getting on with it. At the end of the day it adds very little to the zombie movie genre, but it's a pleasure to watch, and the little touches and in jokes (the "missing reel" and the jar of testicles spring to mind) make it a lot of fun. Also, Bruce Willis appears to be sporting Sten's beard. This film has been rated "Gruesome" by the V___ film preview board.
[1] I really need to get together a list of Nuclear Anxiety and/or Cold War films, and see which are relevant today; TDTESS alone won't answer that question, but it's certainly on the list.
I don't know that I can add anything to the immense amount of analysis that has been levelled at Day over the last 50 years, so I'll just say that you should see it. You should especially see it if:
1. You're thinking of watching Mars Attacks, Close Encounters of the Third Kind or Independence Day (to pick three heavily influenced films);
2. You're in a world that, 18 years after the end of the Cold War, still has enough nuclear weapons to kill everyone twice over and you don't know what to do about it[1];
3. You're thinking of seeing the Re-make;
4. It's the 10th of December (2 days before the release of the re-make which The Crotchety Old Fan has declared THE DAY THE EARTH STOOD STILL TO WATCH THE ORIGINAL MOVIE DAY (TDTESSTWTOMD for short))
Planet Terror is as pure a piece of bad zombie action as you could hope to see. It's all about putting zombies, go-go dancers, rogue military officers and a woman with a machine gun for a leg onto our screen and getting on with it. At the end of the day it adds very little to the zombie movie genre, but it's a pleasure to watch, and the little touches and in jokes (the "missing reel" and the jar of testicles spring to mind) make it a lot of fun. Also, Bruce Willis appears to be sporting Sten's beard. This film has been rated "Gruesome" by the V___ film preview board.
[1] I really need to get together a list of Nuclear Anxiety and/or Cold War films, and see which are relevant today; TDTESS alone won't answer that question, but it's certainly on the list.
Denial
The League of Extraordinary Gentlemen is a smart, interesting comic, written by Alan Moore and drawn by Kevin O'Neill, featuring a team up of various Victorian era adventure fiction heroes. Volume's 1 and 2 of League features Bram Stoker's Wilhelmina Murray, H Rider Haggard's Allan Quatermain, Robert Louis Stevenson's Henry Jeckyll[1], Jules Verne's Captain Nemo, and Hawley Griffin, an inevitable spin off of H G Well's The Invisible Man confronting a variety of unusual threats to the British Empire. There's a follow-up story, Black Dossier, which I haven't read yet.
Heckler claims to have got a DVD of the film. He is, however, wrong, as there is no film. There is no film. There is no film.
Don't believe me? Ask Alan Moore.
[1] And Edward Hyde
Heckler claims to have got a DVD of the film. He is, however, wrong, as there is no film. There is no film. There is no film.
Don't believe me? Ask Alan Moore.
[1] And Edward Hyde
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