I note in this post Heckler promises that reviews will follow. But they haven't. Clearly it's time to deal with that.
He says "Star Maidens - a 1970s social commentary on sexism "
Well I suppose so. It's a 1976 Anglo-German sci-fi series in which two men from the planet Medusa, which is ruled by women in glitter, mini-skirts, sequins and outfits with holes cut in them, escape to Earth. During one of the efforts to recapture them, an Earthman and Earthwoman from the Institute of Radio Astronomy[1] end up on Medusa.
Essentially neither side can believe that the society of the other works; partly this is because Medusa is completely crazy, and partly because it's Earth in the 70s. Frankly most of the episodes were overlong, incoherent and full of predictable cliches and table-turning "You didn't act like a man at all - you showed courage and... I almost felt like an equal down there." "Thank you Octavia." "Get that man back to some useful work."
We watched this so you don't have to. If you like camp, dated, silly shows from the 70s, go ahead - the episode where some radical feminists on Earth get hold of Medusan gun and attempt to stage some sort of revolution, while 2 Medusans are trying out Earth lifestyles is especially recommended. Otherwise you can probably get by perusing this site which gets bonus points for daring to ask this question about the show "Wasn't it a bit... well, pervy?"[2]
[1] With the unfortunate acronym IRA. I can imagine their call to the Ministry when they detect the approaching spacecraft. "Hello? This is the IRA. We have an urgent warning for you..."
[2] Damn it, forgot to mention the "Perving scene" in Alien Apocalypse.
Showing posts with label Alien Apocolypse. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Alien Apocolypse. Show all posts
Friday, 12 December 2008
Sunday, 30 November 2008
Bruce Campbell Double Bill
Seeing how long it's been since we saw the films, it's likely that I won't finish listening to the commentary tracks on Alien Apocalypse and Man With The Screaming Brain. Heckler reviewed AA back in August, giving it 9 Bela Lugosis on his bad sci-fi scale (very bad).
The two films have things in common, other than the fact they were sold to me as a double bill for £6. Both star Bruce Campbell, and he directed and co-wrote TMWTSB. Both were financed by the Sci-Fi channel, but despite this are genuine sci-fi, if bad examples of that genre. Both were shot in Bulgaria, to save money. Both were stories that had been floating around for 15 years or so before being made in 2005.
I've briefly commented on AA via the whiteboard. To recap: after 40 years in space, Bruce Campbell and his fellow astronaut crew members return to Earth to discover it has been taken over by insectoid aliens who find wood a delicacy and so have set up a slave logging camp[1]. Other things they like to eat include heads and fingers. Unsurprisingly there is a very high mortality rate amongst the slaves, so the astronauts are captured and enslaved. Campbell's character escapes meets up with a woman in a chamois leather bikini and they go looking for the legendary leader of the Resistance "The President". They find him, but he's an old, tired man hiding in he woods so Campbell has to start the rebellion himself. In the nick of time the president and the surviving members of the US government turn up and show off their archery skills (which we always appreciate at H&K) and overthrow the alien oppressors.
From the half hour or so of commentary I heard, the references to Planet of the Apes were deliberate homages[2], the costumes in paticular and there were homages to other films as well that I forget. I admire their choice to make a new film using some of the themes and ideas of POTA rather than simply making a crap remake.
I thought I had a conclusion, but apparently not, so I'll simply warn that this film, and the following clip, contains a fair bit of headbiting and is rated as "Gruesome" by the V__ Movie Preview Board.
(This Scene lead inevitably to the comment "If the aliens can't get wood, they get head")
Man With The Screaming Brain is Bruce Campbell's directorial debut, and it shows. To a certain extent he plays to his strengths, playing a stereotypical American-abroad who judges everything by the standards of America; this despite the fact he's gone to Bulgaria to buy things up cheap from the sale of ex-state infrastructure leftover from the communist era. He's the CEO of a drugs company and a couple of stereotypically crazy scientists have invented a drug that prevents brain-transplants from being rejected and try to get him to buy it. Meanwhile his wife is bored and has sex with the stereotypically rude guide/taxi driver/ex-secret policeman. Then she walks in on Campbell snogging the maid, a stereotypically vengeful gypsy. For reasons I forget, Campbell is beaten over the head with a pipe by the gypsy, who then kills the taxi-driver who is her ex-.
Did I mention that many of the characters are stereotypes?
The scientists acquire the bodies and replace damaged brain tissue in Campbell's brain with tissue from the taxi driver. As might be expected this leads to two personalities in one body, and include Bruce Campbell recreating the scene from Evil Dead where he fights his own hand. Meanwhile his wife, thinking he's dead, confronts the gypsy who kills her. Not having a body, the scientists put her brain into a robot body. After this the film gets too silly to explain.
I'd say MWTSB is the superior of the two films as it never takes itself seriously, but just follows it's plot to the next joke, stunt or set piece. Unfortunately this gave us less opportunity to mock it as the film kept getting there first. Damn you Bruce Campbell! As for inspiration, I see some of Steve Martin's The Man With Two Brains in both the title and the film. This film is classified as "Gruesome" due to the scenes of brain surgery (visible in the trailer):
[1] logging slave camp?
[2] On the other hand, in the 300 commentary track, Zack Snyder keeps referring to stealing ideas, shots etc. from other films and keeps being corrected "You mean it's an homage".
The two films have things in common, other than the fact they were sold to me as a double bill for £6. Both star Bruce Campbell, and he directed and co-wrote TMWTSB. Both were financed by the Sci-Fi channel, but despite this are genuine sci-fi, if bad examples of that genre. Both were shot in Bulgaria, to save money. Both were stories that had been floating around for 15 years or so before being made in 2005.
I've briefly commented on AA via the whiteboard. To recap: after 40 years in space, Bruce Campbell and his fellow astronaut crew members return to Earth to discover it has been taken over by insectoid aliens who find wood a delicacy and so have set up a slave logging camp[1]. Other things they like to eat include heads and fingers. Unsurprisingly there is a very high mortality rate amongst the slaves, so the astronauts are captured and enslaved. Campbell's character escapes meets up with a woman in a chamois leather bikini and they go looking for the legendary leader of the Resistance "The President". They find him, but he's an old, tired man hiding in he woods so Campbell has to start the rebellion himself. In the nick of time the president and the surviving members of the US government turn up and show off their archery skills (which we always appreciate at H&K) and overthrow the alien oppressors.
From the half hour or so of commentary I heard, the references to Planet of the Apes were deliberate homages[2], the costumes in paticular and there were homages to other films as well that I forget. I admire their choice to make a new film using some of the themes and ideas of POTA rather than simply making a crap remake.
I thought I had a conclusion, but apparently not, so I'll simply warn that this film, and the following clip, contains a fair bit of headbiting and is rated as "Gruesome" by the V__ Movie Preview Board.
(This Scene lead inevitably to the comment "If the aliens can't get wood, they get head")
Man With The Screaming Brain is Bruce Campbell's directorial debut, and it shows. To a certain extent he plays to his strengths, playing a stereotypical American-abroad who judges everything by the standards of America; this despite the fact he's gone to Bulgaria to buy things up cheap from the sale of ex-state infrastructure leftover from the communist era. He's the CEO of a drugs company and a couple of stereotypically crazy scientists have invented a drug that prevents brain-transplants from being rejected and try to get him to buy it. Meanwhile his wife is bored and has sex with the stereotypically rude guide/taxi driver/ex-secret policeman. Then she walks in on Campbell snogging the maid, a stereotypically vengeful gypsy. For reasons I forget, Campbell is beaten over the head with a pipe by the gypsy, who then kills the taxi-driver who is her ex-.
Did I mention that many of the characters are stereotypes?
The scientists acquire the bodies and replace damaged brain tissue in Campbell's brain with tissue from the taxi driver. As might be expected this leads to two personalities in one body, and include Bruce Campbell recreating the scene from Evil Dead where he fights his own hand. Meanwhile his wife, thinking he's dead, confronts the gypsy who kills her. Not having a body, the scientists put her brain into a robot body. After this the film gets too silly to explain.
I'd say MWTSB is the superior of the two films as it never takes itself seriously, but just follows it's plot to the next joke, stunt or set piece. Unfortunately this gave us less opportunity to mock it as the film kept getting there first. Damn you Bruce Campbell! As for inspiration, I see some of Steve Martin's The Man With Two Brains in both the title and the film. This film is classified as "Gruesome" due to the scenes of brain surgery (visible in the trailer):
[1] logging slave camp?
[2] On the other hand, in the 300 commentary track, Zack Snyder keeps referring to stealing ideas, shots etc. from other films and keeps being corrected "You mean it's an homage".
Friday, 1 August 2008
Movie Night - 31st July 2008
I have a number of comments to make in respect of last night's movie night and cannot help but agree with the majority of sentiments that have tumbled from Kochk's keyboard.
I would like mainly to talk about the film "Alien Apocalypse" which starred an "actor" called Bruce Campbell. Here he is advertising Old Spice as worn by our esteemed colleague Lemat;
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Af1OxkFOK18
SPOILER (although you are presumably reading this as we have watched bad sci fi so you don't have to) The plot of this film features 4 astronauts returning from some very non specific "Probe Mission" that has seen them come back after 40 years away. I can't remember for certain but I think they mention having been cryogenically frozen - the crew don't look all that old (a). This is inconsistent with a line later in the film in which the President of the US (b) (c) thanks Bruce Campbell's character for having sent a message back to Earth warning of the approaching alien attack fleet(d).
In a plot stolen directly from Planet of the Apes the returning astronauts find that the Earth has been taken over by giant termites (f) who have enslaved humanity to work in saw mills to feed them wood (really!? who made this stuff up). The aliens also, at least twice in film, bite off people's heads and swallow them (cue for hilarious headless body spurting blood effects). One of the aliens says "next to wood it (people's heads) is our favourite delicacy". One wonders how they decided upon thi if they normally only eat wood - I guess it must be an acquired taste!
The aliens appear to have pretty much subjugated all of humanity notwithstanding the lack of any apparent military capability on the planet bar infantry and one single armoured personnel carrier. Human slaves wear gags and forfeit a finger for each failed escape attempt. There is no obvious organised human resistance and they seem to have lost a lot of civilisation such as the concept of shaking hands and what doctors do. Also the only good looking human on new Earth has misinterpreted chamois leather as something to be worn as a bikini.
On the subject of doctors I would like to return to the subject of the "probe mission". As I mentioned we did not see the ship and we aren't told much if anything about what the mission was. The mission had a crew of four and when we first see them one crewmember has a broken leg. Let us assume that one, if not two, of the crew is a pilot what then would be the specialities of the other three crew? Well, in short, we are not told except that Bruce Campbell's character is......an osteopath! An osteopath? I mean what sort of mission were they on? As someone who gets the occasional back twinge I know that a good osteopath is good to have on hand but equally so is a mechanic, a barber or chef! On a space mission I'm thinking that a pilot, an engineer, a navigator and probably a medic (rather than an osteopath) are probably my the highest mission priorites.
Anyway luckily Bruce Campbell's character is able to use his osteopathy skills to heal the people on Earth so that they will trust in him and follow his uprising against the alien termites. No really, that's what the film did!
I won't go into much more detail about this. For me the scene I remember most - from when I was curled up in the foetal position rocking gently back and forth to cope with this film - was Bruce Campbells screaming face in slow motion being covered suddenly in green alien goo. Like some horrific alien fetish porn film (although it is meant to be the character killing aliens with a sword). I felt ill after this and the only cure was that the film was over. Sadly this was only teh first film on a Bruce Campbell double bill - I may need some time before I can possibly cope with the second film "The Man with the Screaming Brain"
I give this film 9 Bela Lugosis on my bad sci-fi scale!
Heckler
(a) Well in the sense that they obviously haven't been living in space for 40 years unless they left as children.
(b) or "USA", a collection of independent states that used to be part of the colonies
(c) The President is an old man who seems to be sitting in a very low rent looking bunker somewhere near Portland. When he later goes on the offensive against the aliens the President also wears an anorak.
(d) This film is so low budget that we never see anything of the alien attack fleet. In fact all we see of the alien technology at all are the energy weapons they carry and some sort of armoured infantry carrier about the size of a transit van. Said vehicle also seems to be larger on the inside based on the number of alien troops who are disgorged from it (e)
(e) Come to think of it we don't see Bruce Campbell's space ship either - except as a shooting star coming down from he sky. I feel cheated.
(f) Albeit these are invading alien giant termites rather than intelligent apes who have evolved and overtaken humanity (g)
(g) Disappointingly - especially given how cheesy this film is - no character says "get your hands off me you damn dirty termite!"
I would like mainly to talk about the film "Alien Apocalypse" which starred an "actor" called Bruce Campbell. Here he is advertising Old Spice as worn by our esteemed colleague Lemat;
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Af1OxkFOK18
SPOILER (although you are presumably reading this as we have watched bad sci fi so you don't have to) The plot of this film features 4 astronauts returning from some very non specific "Probe Mission" that has seen them come back after 40 years away. I can't remember for certain but I think they mention having been cryogenically frozen - the crew don't look all that old (a). This is inconsistent with a line later in the film in which the President of the US (b) (c) thanks Bruce Campbell's character for having sent a message back to Earth warning of the approaching alien attack fleet(d).
In a plot stolen directly from Planet of the Apes the returning astronauts find that the Earth has been taken over by giant termites (f) who have enslaved humanity to work in saw mills to feed them wood (really!? who made this stuff up). The aliens also, at least twice in film, bite off people's heads and swallow them (cue for hilarious headless body spurting blood effects). One of the aliens says "next to wood it (people's heads) is our favourite delicacy". One wonders how they decided upon thi if they normally only eat wood - I guess it must be an acquired taste!
The aliens appear to have pretty much subjugated all of humanity notwithstanding the lack of any apparent military capability on the planet bar infantry and one single armoured personnel carrier. Human slaves wear gags and forfeit a finger for each failed escape attempt. There is no obvious organised human resistance and they seem to have lost a lot of civilisation such as the concept of shaking hands and what doctors do. Also the only good looking human on new Earth has misinterpreted chamois leather as something to be worn as a bikini.
On the subject of doctors I would like to return to the subject of the "probe mission". As I mentioned we did not see the ship and we aren't told much if anything about what the mission was. The mission had a crew of four and when we first see them one crewmember has a broken leg. Let us assume that one, if not two, of the crew is a pilot what then would be the specialities of the other three crew? Well, in short, we are not told except that Bruce Campbell's character is......an osteopath! An osteopath? I mean what sort of mission were they on? As someone who gets the occasional back twinge I know that a good osteopath is good to have on hand but equally so is a mechanic, a barber or chef! On a space mission I'm thinking that a pilot, an engineer, a navigator and probably a medic (rather than an osteopath) are probably my the highest mission priorites.
Anyway luckily Bruce Campbell's character is able to use his osteopathy skills to heal the people on Earth so that they will trust in him and follow his uprising against the alien termites. No really, that's what the film did!
I won't go into much more detail about this. For me the scene I remember most - from when I was curled up in the foetal position rocking gently back and forth to cope with this film - was Bruce Campbells screaming face in slow motion being covered suddenly in green alien goo. Like some horrific alien fetish porn film (although it is meant to be the character killing aliens with a sword). I felt ill after this and the only cure was that the film was over. Sadly this was only teh first film on a Bruce Campbell double bill - I may need some time before I can possibly cope with the second film "The Man with the Screaming Brain"
I give this film 9 Bela Lugosis on my bad sci-fi scale!
Heckler
(a) Well in the sense that they obviously haven't been living in space for 40 years unless they left as children.
(b) or "USA", a collection of independent states that used to be part of the colonies
(c) The President is an old man who seems to be sitting in a very low rent looking bunker somewhere near Portland. When he later goes on the offensive against the aliens the President also wears an anorak.
(d) This film is so low budget that we never see anything of the alien attack fleet. In fact all we see of the alien technology at all are the energy weapons they carry and some sort of armoured infantry carrier about the size of a transit van. Said vehicle also seems to be larger on the inside based on the number of alien troops who are disgorged from it (e)
(e) Come to think of it we don't see Bruce Campbell's space ship either - except as a shooting star coming down from he sky. I feel cheated.
(f) Albeit these are invading alien giant termites rather than intelligent apes who have evolved and overtaken humanity (g)
(g) Disappointingly - especially given how cheesy this film is - no character says "get your hands off me you damn dirty termite!"
Movie Night 31/07/08
The Watchlist:
Batman and Robin "No matter how bad The Dark Knight is, if we've just watched Batman and Robin it will be an instant classic."
Alien Apocalypse "We've been flirting with Bad Sci-Fi for a while - it's time we took our relationship to the next level."
Lost in Space episode "That Rocket may be small, but it has enough wonder fuel to make a real blast."
The Last Three Films in The Animatrix "Wow, that is some trip."
Random Futurama episode "Sweet Gorilla of Manila!"
Other business:
Our friend S___ has been given the nom de blog Sten.
Movie night regular LeMatt asked "If I were loaded with blanks, would I be Matt LeBlanc?"
From Kochk's whiteboard:
Batman and Robin:
Alien Apocolypse:
From Heckler's Whiteboard:
Batman and Robin:
General:
Alien Apocolypse:
Lost in Space:
Futurama:
For no apparent reason:
So, the good news is that Alien Apocalypse is what this whole thing is about: Us watching Bad Sci-Fi so You don't have to. The bad news: there's a Bruce Campbell commentary track. In theory I might review the film without listening to it. But that's for less foolhardy critics. I will take one for the team by watching Alien Apocalypse with the commentary track and THEN review it. But in case V___ is reading this from Egypt, I warn potential viewers that, in the words of LeMatt, the film contains a lot of headbiting; the V___ preview board officially rates the it as "gruesome".
[1] This would be like the planetary defence plasma bugs from Starship Troopers. That's another Earth Defence system involving Sten. Is there any way of protecting the Earth without this man?
[2] Alien Apocalypse has a line that is the title of a Moloko song; Batman and Robin features a Moloko song. At last a unifying feature to the evening![3]
[3] Red Heat and Three Kings both made the long list for second feature.
Batman and Robin "No matter how bad The Dark Knight is, if we've just watched Batman and Robin it will be an instant classic."
Alien Apocalypse "We've been flirting with Bad Sci-Fi for a while - it's time we took our relationship to the next level."
Lost in Space episode "That Rocket may be small, but it has enough wonder fuel to make a real blast."
The Last Three Films in The Animatrix "Wow, that is some trip."
Random Futurama episode "Sweet Gorilla of Manila!"
Other business:
Our friend S___ has been given the nom de blog Sten.
Movie night regular LeMatt asked "If I were loaded with blanks, would I be Matt LeBlanc?"
From Kochk's whiteboard:
K: "Serious objective professional and analytical reviewing this evening"
H: "Shall I draw the cock and balls now?"
Batman and Robin:
Bat Nipples!
Alien Apocolypse:
Muzzle Fetish
Evil Dead.
It's a bunch of apes on horseback. Morning Stan!
Welcome to PlankWorld™ the world of wood™!
When Conga lines go bad!
The aliens want to get wood.
If the aliens can't get wood, they get head.
Why did they take an osteopath into space?
SPARTACUS
LeMatt: I sense some headbiting going on. The aliens are a bit headstrong.
We've been flirting with Bad Sci-Fi for a while - it's time we took our relationship to the next level.
PROPHECY!
From Heckler's Whiteboard:
Morning Sten! [Picture of Sten Waving]
Batman and Robin:
That's no control lever
The Ice Man cometh
I'm afraid my condition leaves me cold to your plea.
You're not sending me to the cooler
Stay cool bird boy
If the doctor says so then it must be true
Oxbridge Academy
Hi Freeze! I'm Batman.
Your emotions make you weak, that's why the day is mine
Freeze's Rocket [Picture of Rocket] I see nothing phallic about that!
Gilgamesh Wing
You corrupt my research into some diabolical scheme of world domination
Who wouldn't want their hands on Bruce Wayne's family jewels?
I programmed my brain waves into the bat computer to create a virtual simulation
Your stupidity is terminal, now you're cured
Poison Ivy:{ Why not send junior home early. I've got some wild oats to sow
{ My garden needs tending
I respect your opinion but sadly I'm not good at rejection so sadly you'll have to die
The Bat Signal comes out of a sac on Sten's arse[1]
I hate to disappoint you but rubber lips are immune to your charms!
General:
[Picture of Y-fronts]
Goering!
Alien Apocolypse:
The aliens should have just landed at PlankWorld!
(Alien swallows space pilot's head) "That is our favourite delicacy next to wood"
The President lives, with all his men.
Osteopath in space.
Space probe mission.
The time is now [2], this is the place.
Lost in Space:
That Rocket may be small, but it has enough wonder fuel to make a real blast.
Some commander! You don't know a giro from a flux gate
Futurama:
Sweet Gorilla of Manila! A Letter from the Central Bureaucracy
For no apparent reason:
D___ J. P____
So, the good news is that Alien Apocalypse is what this whole thing is about: Us watching Bad Sci-Fi so You don't have to. The bad news: there's a Bruce Campbell commentary track. In theory I might review the film without listening to it. But that's for less foolhardy critics. I will take one for the team by watching Alien Apocalypse with the commentary track and THEN review it. But in case V___ is reading this from Egypt, I warn potential viewers that, in the words of LeMatt, the film contains a lot of headbiting; the V___ preview board officially rates the it as "gruesome".
[1] This would be like the planetary defence plasma bugs from Starship Troopers. That's another Earth Defence system involving Sten. Is there any way of protecting the Earth without this man?
[2] Alien Apocalypse has a line that is the title of a Moloko song; Batman and Robin features a Moloko song. At last a unifying feature to the evening![3]
[3] Red Heat and Three Kings both made the long list for second feature.
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