Movie Night 31/07/08

The Watchlist:

Batman and Robin "No matter how bad The Dark Knight is, if we've just watched Batman and Robin it will be an instant classic."
Alien Apocalypse "We've been flirting with Bad Sci-Fi for a while - it's time we took our relationship to the next level."
Lost in Space episode "That Rocket may be small, but it has enough wonder fuel to make a real blast."
The Last Three Films in The Animatrix "Wow, that is some trip."
Random Futurama episode "Sweet Gorilla of Manila!"

Other business:
Our friend S___ has been given the nom de blog Sten.
Movie night regular LeMatt asked "If I were loaded with blanks, would I be Matt LeBlanc?"

From Kochk's whiteboard:

K: "Serious objective professional and analytical reviewing this evening"
H: "Shall I draw the cock and balls now?"

Batman and Robin:

Bat Nipples!

Alien Apocolypse:

Muzzle Fetish
Evil Dead.
It's a bunch of apes on horseback. Morning Stan!
Welcome to PlankWorld™ the world of wood™!
When Conga lines go bad!
The aliens want to get wood.
If the aliens can't get wood, they get head.
Why did they take an osteopath into space?
SPARTACUS
LeMatt: I sense some headbiting going on. The aliens are a bit headstrong.
We've been flirting with Bad Sci-Fi for a while - it's time we took our relationship to the next level.
PROPHECY!

From Heckler's Whiteboard:

Morning Sten! [Picture of Sten Waving]

Batman and Robin:

That's no control lever
The Ice Man cometh
I'm afraid my condition leaves me cold to your plea.
You're not sending me to the cooler
Stay cool bird boy
If the doctor says so then it must be true
Oxbridge Academy
Hi Freeze! I'm Batman.
Your emotions make you weak, that's why the day is mine
Freeze's Rocket [Picture of Rocket] I see nothing phallic about that!
Gilgamesh Wing
You corrupt my research into some diabolical scheme of world domination
Who wouldn't want their hands on Bruce Wayne's family jewels?
I programmed my brain waves into the bat computer to create a virtual simulation
Your stupidity is terminal, now you're cured
Poison Ivy:{ Why not send junior home early. I've got some wild oats to sow
{ My garden needs tending
I respect your opinion but sadly I'm not good at rejection so sadly you'll have to die
The Bat Signal comes out of a sac on Sten's arse[1]
I hate to disappoint you but rubber lips are immune to your charms!

General:

[Picture of Y-fronts]
Goering!

Alien Apocolypse:

The aliens should have just landed at PlankWorld!
(Alien swallows space pilot's head) "That is our favourite delicacy next to wood"
The President lives, with all his men.
Osteopath in space.
Space probe mission.
The time is now [2], this is the place.

Lost in Space:

That Rocket may be small, but it has enough wonder fuel to make a real blast.
Some commander! You don't know a giro from a flux gate

Futurama:

Sweet Gorilla of Manila! A Letter from the Central Bureaucracy

For no apparent reason:

D___ J. P____

So, the good news is that Alien Apocalypse is what this whole thing is about: Us watching Bad Sci-Fi so You don't have to. The bad news: there's a Bruce Campbell commentary track. In theory I might review the film without listening to it. But that's for less foolhardy critics. I will take one for the team by watching Alien Apocalypse with the commentary track and THEN review it. But in case V___ is reading this from Egypt, I warn potential viewers that, in the words of LeMatt, the film contains a lot of headbiting; the V___ preview board officially rates the it as "gruesome".

[1] This would be like the planetary defence plasma bugs from Starship Troopers. That's another Earth Defence system involving Sten. Is there any way of protecting the Earth without this man?
[2] Alien Apocalypse has a line that is the title of a Moloko song; Batman and Robin features a Moloko song. At last a unifying feature to the evening![3]
[3] Red Heat and Three Kings both made the long list for second feature.

Movie Night 11/07/08

Movie night was a day late, as Heckler was celebrating being out of warranty. Be careful Heckler, if you break yourself now, you'll have to pay for repairs! Anyway we finally finished Crime Traveller with the last two episodes The Lottery Experiment and The Broken Crystal[1], another Wonder Woman episode (Last of the Two Dollar Bills), an early episode of Lost in Space that I failed to record anything about as that came last, and Beach Blanket Bingo (1965, Dir: William Asher). Even by our generous standards this doesn't count as Sci-Fi, even if there's a mermaid[2] swimming in and out of the plot, but the DVD was a present from, erm, Beretta[3]? who was attending, and anyway we've been admiring the opening sequence on Youtube for quite some time. Anyway, to the whiteboard:

General Comments:

If you don't review bad Sci-Fi, we won't make guns

Crime Traveller, The Lottery Experiment:

Slade: I think I can help you!
Turner: Why, have you taken a course in Laser Optics?
"98 number memory and message capacity. The Rolls Royce of Mobile Phones."
Perhaps he'll get a new ja[cket][4]

Beach Blanket Bingo:

"If I put my arm around someone, I like it to be my idea."
"I'm saving that one for my wallet."
"Come along now, let's get out of these loose clothes and into something tight."
"It's just good clean fun that keeps him out of pool halls."
"It was my bad side - I was facing front."
"The best way to learn is to watch."
This film is generating quotes faster than I can write, and I'm running out of space.
"I, Eric Von Zipper, am putting the snatch on you."
"It's a people bite!"
"Frankie's small, but he's wiry."
"I'm taking you to my boobie[5] house"
Frankie's wearing Jeff Slade's Jacket!

From Crime Traveller: The Broken Crystal

Synchotron (sic)
"Lengthen the photon rod."

And Generally:

I'm bored of the board
Boobies make me smile
Goebbels! [6]

Anyway, before I emulate Jeff Slade and make my 7:30 bedcheck, here's all those videos in one special movie night player:


[1] K: Didn't we watch that last week?
H: No, that was The Dark Crystal
K: Yes, but it was broken
H&K: Mmmmmm...
[2] Played by Marta Kristen who also played Judy Robinson, the blonde daughter in Lost in Space. In fact if we believe IMDB she seems to have gone straight from Beach Blanket Bingo to Lost in Space. Coincidence? You tell us!
[3] Heckler, I know Krupp is funnier, but she expressed a preference. Still, you can call her Krupp if you like.
[4] Slade has worn the same mustard yellow jacket in every episode of Crime Traveller - The episode when he wore a dark blue one, he got locked in the boot of a car and set on fire which ruined it.
[5] It's taken some googling to find out what was going on here; it seems that South Dakota Slim calls everyone "boobie".
[6] This probably deserves a footnote: In the episode of Wonder Woman, Wonder Woman destroys a padlock with her bare hands, then one of the Nazi agents shoots one out, then Major Steve Trevor opens another one by forcing the lock. I then imagined Adolf Hitler reviewing the budget of Nazi Sabotage operations in the US and exclaiming "They're claiming expenses for 2000 padlocks? That doesn't sound right. [shouts] Goebbels!" Following which we shouted "Goebbels" at each other until it ceased to be funny.